this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
