remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
