and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i've created a new STD.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize