I want to have your abortion
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
