Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
