Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
