she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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