A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
