I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
