Your face is a jimmy john
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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