I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
