She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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