She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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