talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
