Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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