I think I died a long time ago.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
