walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
