Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
