i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
