Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
