What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
