My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
