Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
