If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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