she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
