Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
