There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
