Can i not drive my cunt home
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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