do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You have to summon your inner elephant
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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