a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize