Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
