the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
