nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
