Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
