She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
