you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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