I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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