Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
