I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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