We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
