Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
well you can't waste a boner
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
