Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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