We're facebook friends in real life
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
