I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
