considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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