I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
