Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
