So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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