I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
