I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
