Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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