I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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