hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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