Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
