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i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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