Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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