That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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