Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
