my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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