did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
it's great music for shaving your balls
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
