I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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