yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
