At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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