I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i black out too much to be "responsible"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize