Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
