drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
a search helicopter?!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
