i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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