Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
