She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think my moral compass just broke
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
