Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
