Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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