Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
