Capitaan dildo arrescate!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
