No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
