you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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